Flu Vaccine Sheep

Are you one of the many, many people I saw standing in line for an H1N1 flu shot outside Lincoln school yesterday?

You're gonna let someone shoot a new, untested, potentially unsafe concoction of formaldehyde, MSG, Mercury and other bizarre chemicals into your bloodstream to avoid a few days of being sick?

Did you already forget the amount of people notified by the Corvallis Clinic that their previous vaccines from years past could have been contaminated? That was a big news story, what, less than 6 months ago? And now, there is some new health scare that is similar to a clichéd propaganda film from the 1950s, and you've joined the panic. You marched right on down to wait like cattle, for something far scarier than this "Swine Flu." You are exposing yourself and your children to far more dangers with the vaccine than you are by risking the flu.

Whatever happened to eating healthy and getting exercise as a way to keep up the immune system? Especially here in Corvallis, there is no shortage of good, affordable and healthy food.

You listened to the scary talking heads on your TV, you believed the hype, you read the newspaper which offered no alternative opinion or doctor's warnings against the shot, you panicked, you stood in line for hours as if Ween had come to town.... you got your shot. You may not get sick with the flu this Season, but I hate to think what lies ahead for you.

I can hear the commercial now... "If you or a loved one got the H1N1 Vaccine of 2009 and are suffering from Multiple Sclerosis, Polio, Hemophilia, or a number of other unintended side effects, you MAY be entitled to a settlement. Call the Offices of James Sokolove now."

Henry Weinhard's Classic Dark, 2009 Batch

If you're like me, you hate to sacrifice price for a bad beer. Once in a while, spending less than $6 on a six-pack is just necessary. Of course, you know not to touch the dregs... the Coors Light and Budweiser families or the overpriced imports that are ruined by the metal cap taste. Usually Henry Weinhard's sucks, granted, but their Classic Dark can be decent once in a while; not this year.

It tastes like rotted corn, rusty water and skunk farts. Even forcing this one down is hard. It's just terrible. And to think, I almost bought the 12-pack on sale at Fred Meyer's. Aside from the occasionally tolerable Summer beer they put out, there is no reason to even go near the Henry's. The 2009 Classic Dark is a 1 on the scale of 1-10. That's being generous.

I remain alive, awake

This blog seems so "last year." I don't have the time that I used to. Making it on one's own takes its share of...time.

I tire of waking up anywhere from 3-5 AM, and not being able to fall back asleep. I'd like to be up no later than 10 each morning. With these types of gaps though, sometimes even 11 or noon is too early.

Life is good. My wife and I are expecting our firstborn by late DEC, but I would not be surprised if it were earlier. She is getting big. Maybe I'll become one of those dorky dads who blogs about my kid. If it happens, so be it.

I am ready for the next stage in life. I'm somewhat bored with my interests. But not entirely. As much as I enjoy doing certain things (like walking in the woods, going to concerts or events) alone, I think I may prefer to share it. I was lonely at the Oregon Country Fair this year.

I need to read more books. I need to not give into the McDonalds' cravings so often. I need that glare filter I ordered for this damn computer screen. It is TOO bright. And they say that no one buys glare filters anymore. Both the Corvallis Staples and Office Max locations have nothing worthwhile in the way of glare filters. Office Max has some stupid sheet of plastic they're trying to sell for $60. Shame on them.

Anyway, thanks for reading. I wish I had more interesting thoughts, but it's 5 AM, and... yeah.

Craigslist Prank, Vol. 9

Section: FREE Stuff

Title: Free voice box

Likely flagged by now.

My grandfather just passed away last week from throat cancer, and we still have his voice box available. It still works like new, aside from some glitch that occasionally happens where the words, "Live evil, evil live. All hail the unholy one" come from the apparatus. It has an odor of tobacco tar and still has some of Grandpa's larynx mixed up in the electronic components, but it works.

You must pick up. Send an email for my address.

Craigslist Prank, Vol. 8

Section: FREE Stuff

Title: Free trimmings of my pubises

Likely flagged by bored, lonely internet surfers

I have trimmed all of my pubic hair for wrestling class, and wanted to offer them to the public before donating them to Goodwill or the Arc.

These are strong hairs, and luckily do not have too much of an odor, but be warned that there are pieces of skin on some of them, easily removable.

I am asking that you pick them up. Bring your own bag. Please leave a phone number if you send email. Thanks.

Craigslist Prank, Vol. 7

Posted in: FREE section

Title: Free dentures in good working order

Flagged by now, I'm sure.

These dentures were taken from my live-in grandfather to punish him for eating too much. The man weighs 98 pounds and is looking fat, so his diet is being restricted to liquids and oatmeal. In the meantime, his dentures are free for the taking. They have a pickle/tobacco-like odor and are fairly uneven. It is recommended to soak the dentures in warm water for about 3-5 minutes before putting them in. Once you get used to the taste, they are easier to keep in. Scotch tape or wood glue can be used to hold them in place.

Please come pick these up. I've had at least 3 people show interest, but not show up. Don't waste my time.

Craigslist Prank, Vol. 6

Section: FREE stuff

Title: Used Free Napkins

Probably flagged by now by boring people

We used these mostly to wipe the kids' mouth last year and have kept them in a refrigerated, sealed plastic ziploc since. A few were used to clean up cat vomit and diarrhea when our senior cat had an unfortunate accident last May, but these can be rinsed and reused.

Most of them are in good/fair condition and if you wad them up, you can get a few more uses out of them. Not recommended for cleaning up blood. As you will see, some were used for that and only have one or two workable corners as a result.

Come and get them before someone else does.

The Stray Cat Eats

Don't pet her tumor. It hurts.

She enjoyed a turkey sandwich, bread and all.

Photo taken outside the CoZzzy Inn in Salem, a place I would not recommend.